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Chat Transcript with Dr. Cantrell, July 24, 2008
USMC Combat Stress Brochure
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Educational Purpose NOTE: The chat discussion is intended solely for educational and informational purposes and not intended as medical advice. Please consult a medical or mental health professional if you have questions about your health.

No patent liability is assumed with respect to the use of the information discussed. The speakers and/or MarineParents.com assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the participation in the discussion or use of the information discussed.

The following is a transcript of the "Chat with Dr. Cantrell" from July 24th, 2008. Links to additional resources and information from the chat transcript are included to the right.

gutsma:
Good evening, Dr. Cantrell.

Dr. Cantrell:
Hello Everyone

jimmyc:
Hello Dr.

Dr. Cantrell:
hello

jimmyc:
Thanks for your time

Dr. Cantrell:
Certainly

jimmyc:
My son is in his last 3 weeks of boot camp- anything we should know about what to expect? I know it is not like a deployment or combat

jimmyc:
To[Private] gutsma OK- I'll just read then

Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, just let him make contact with you and shore up your resources with the expectation of his deployment. They do distance themselves from their families during this process so give him some space but support at the same time.

gutsma:
To[Private] jimmyc That;s fine.

jimmyc:
Thanks

Dr. Cantrell:
you are welcom

worrywort:
Im so sorry, I kept getting booted out.

Dr. Cantrell:
bootout of chat?

worrywort:
yes

gutsma:
Dr. Cantrell, have you found length of time without treatment impacts effectiveness of therapy or length of treatment?

Dr. Cantrell:
I don't know specifically, but I do know it is different with everyone, and there is evidence to indicate that the sooner intervention takes place the better the outcome.

gutsma:
Thank you.

Dr. Cantrell:
It is as if they are having some issues and they keep trying to do the same thing over and over and it is not working them it impacts their motivation to do something different

worrywort:
To[Private] USMCdiWife Good evening usmcdiwife....you are in the Dr Cantrell PTSD chat room

worrywort:
To[Private] USMCdiWife Do you have questions for her?

gutsma:
In severe cases, do meds in conjunction with talk therapy work together?

Dr. Cantrell:
So the earlier the better, and they are showing that they are finding that the level of frustration may take about 6-18 months to peak this is the point at which they see that they are stepping back into the life they left behind.

Dr. Cantrell:
Absoluletly, there is certainly a place for medications. We want to calm down their reactivity, get them some good sleep and address their depression. Once they have these things as goals this is a great place to start.

worrywort:
To[Private] mikesmom Hi Mikes mom...you are in the Dr. Cantrell ptsd chatroom. Do you have questions for her?

mikesmom:
To[Private] worrywort i am not sure--just curious--mike is being deployed for the third time soon

Dr. Cantrell:
Sometimes they may need to take meds for a transtional time, until all this subsides, but it is often a very effective form of treatment along with learning more effective coping skills,and telling their stories etc.

gutsma:
When seeking help, do you think it better to seek the assistance of talk therapy as a starting point?

worrywort:
To[Private] mikesmom aaah...then you probably have some good questions. Feel free to watch & ask questions when you feel the time is right for you

mikesmom:
To[Private] worrywort thanks

Dr. Cantrell:
yes, but sometimes because of the stigmas associated with seeing a "therapist" they will often present to their Primary Care Docs with physical symptoms of anxiety, sleep problems, intestinal irritation, etc. So whereever they start this is great

gutsma:
That makes a lot of sense. Thank you!

worrywort:
To[Private] Arshak Good evening Arshak...you are in the Dr. Cantrell PTSD chatroom. Do you have questions for her?

Dr. Cantrell:
You are welcome. just be supportive and don't push unless of course you see some signs which show more trouble than being displayed

jimmyc:
Dr- my father is from "the quiet/ greatest generation." Did the fact that they had long boat trips home after WWII actually help them? Unlike today's warriors who are home in 1-2 days by plane.

Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, absolutely this was very therapuetic for them to have witnesses to their stories, a rite of passasge, and we unfortunatley do not have those rituals in our society. I think that we have a lot to learn from our warriors of the past, the Native Americans did a lot of ceremonies to purify and cleanse their warriors to prepare them to meet the community.

Arshak:
Help I read your book beforew my son came home from deployment 1 But some how everything went wrong . He is on his 2nd deployment and it makes #1 A PEICE OF CAKE

Dr. Cantrell:
Our Warriors keep their stories to themselves for fear of people not understanding or the info being used against them, but I think a forum where they can share is extremely important and a part of incorporating that part of themselves with pride and honor.

Dr. Cantrell:
I am not understanding you about the difference in the deployments please explain, this is an important topic

mikesmom:
my son is deploying for the third time to Iraq soon and seemed okay after this first two times-my husband is a vietnam vet and has issues from that--is there anything I can do to keep my son from having a problem--any signs to look for etc

jimmyc:
I think a lot of our current aversion/ fear of therapy is because of the warriors of the past who seemed to keep it all to themselves- many are just telling their stories now

worrywort:
To[Private] military_mom_2 Hi Bobbi. You are in Dr. Cantrells PTST chat room. Do you have questions for her?

Dr. Cantrell:
WIth each deployment it gets easier for them to leave for Down Range, because this is where they feel comfortable, they will be with other Marines etc. who understand them and they have structure and know what is expected, on the homefront it does not get easier in some respects

Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, the warriors of the past kept it to themseslves or they used alcohol or work to redirect their angst. This is a different generation of warrior, and the expectations for them to "feel" and not stuff it is different. Hopefully we have learned something and how important validation is.

Arshak:
In the 1str deployment they lost 23 inftranty men. In the 2nd deployment he is the body uard for a co. commander who loses his life in a hugh suiside bomber attack. He feels as such a failure it was his job to protect his man!

Dr. Cantrell:
ARSHAK PLEASE ELABORATE, ARE YOU saying oops sorry about the caps, that your son went down range with more ease?

mikesmom:
yes cause my husband used pain meds to excess to escape

worrywort:
To[Private] kristin Good evening Kristin. You are in Dr. Cantrells PTSD chatroom. Do you have questions for her?

Dr. Cantrell:
IYes, I see what you are saying Arshak. They are wanting so much to contribute and their buddies life, or even their commanders' life is even more important than his own and he feels severe survivor guilt and personal failure for not protecting his commander. This is a deep and heavy burden to carry

Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, there are many forms of escape, some less positive than others, drugs, alcohol, sex, anger, high risk behaviors, etc. are all ways that are used to try to forget.

kristin:
do they need to talk about it, or is it ok for them to not talk about it

mikesmom:
so how do we deal differently with our Marines

Dr. Cantrell:
Each person is different, and it is best for them to talk about it but they will make that choice, and they ususally do not talk to family members very readily unless this is your culture within this family. A veteran from the past, like a fried, grandpa, father are often now the person they prefer to share with and they both benefit tremendously from that shared experience.

worrywort:
To[Private] gutsma brb joan/ puppy needs to go out

Dr. Cantrell:
What do you mean "how do you deal differently with our Marines" Please elaborate for me.

worrywort:
To[Private] gutsma back

Dr. Cantrell:
I am not getting anything from anyone. Please talk to me

mikesmom:
when the guys came home from vietnam they didn't talk--my son will vent and verbalize---but I feel like I need to be careful in responding to him

Arshak:
I am asking for help in how to help my son deal with a 2nd deployment that has been much more difficult than the 1ST. He thought the 1st was difficult as they lost 23 men. He could not enjoy his leave as he had so much guilt over guys who did not come home. Now 2nd deployment an he is body guard for a Co,ommander who is killed ina susicide bombing with several other great men . He has to ID. body an attempt to keep him alive , this fails and a good Capt, is dead and my son feels responsbile .

worrywort:
To[Private] margaretm Hi Margaret...you are in Dr. Cantrells PTSD Chat. Do you have aquestion for her?

kristin:
what is the time frame that is worse to talk about it right after return or much later?

Dr. Cantrell:
Ok Now let me respond one at a time

usmcmom1981:
hi everyone

IronMike:
Hello Everyone

Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, it is true you must be careful how you respond. You want him to know you hear him, but it is best not to offer an opinion. He wants to know you hear him, and you might ask him how does he want you to help.

IronMike:
To[Private] worrywort No, just wish to read

IronMike:
To[Private] worrywort Is that OK

IronMike:
To[Private] worrywort Yet, I could ask what to do about our with-drawn marine, if you'd rather

gutsma:
Is it OK to say something like "You feel _______" ?

worrywort:
To[Private] IronMike ooops sorry for the late response...yes. just reading & learning is ok!

Dr. Cantrell:
ARSHAK, I really think your son needs to have someone to process this all with. THese are issues that are well addressed with their chaplains. Of course the next deployment is more difficult as he knows what to expect, but the other part of him would not miss this for anything, because this would also create a great deal of guilt for abandoning his guys.

IronMike:
To[Private] worrywort Tanks

worrywort:
To[Private] IronMike Please feel free to ask a question when you feel the time is right

IronMike:
To[Private] worrywort OK

IronMike:
To[Private] worrywort Thank You

Dr. Cantrell:
This is very difficult duty and to ID the body of someone you are personally responsible for drives it home even more. Is he currently down range, or where is he?

mikesmom:
thanks Dr Cantrell

Arshak:
The last leave my son used alchol to deal with his pain. I p.an to go to his homecoming and he has already said sorry mom I plan to be drunk for several days.

Dr. Cantrell:
Gutsma, he may not even want you to ask how he feels, beacause feelings are what they are so good at pushing away as a means of survival, so be careful and use this in context. You may just ask, What do you need from me, how can I make this ok for you now.

gutsma:
I understand.

Dr. Cantrell:
This is part of the Mlitary culture, alchohol is the primary form of letting lose, and it is difficult for those who see the dangers associated with it, but they have survived down range and they use this as a means of connecting. It certainly has its problems, but good for him he was honest with you and knows that it is a concern.

IronMike:
If I may say something:

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
hello all

Arshak:
He is down range

Dr. Cantrell:
Of course IronMike Please

worrywort:
To[Private] SmallTownGirl08_Casey Hi Casey, you are in Dr. Cantrells PTSD Chat....do you have questions for her?

IronMike:
Just last week, was the first that our son, Truly opened up to me for almost an hour

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
To[Private] worrywort um, not really. just wondering even if they say they are ok, does that mean that they really are?

IronMike:
He's been home safe for over 2 years

worrywort:
To[Private] spider1 Perfect, feel free to watch & learn

IronMike:
He grew up Extremely Close to me

Dr. Cantrell:
This is wonderful, it takes time, and it is up to them to drive this bus, and he knew it was time, this gives me goose bumps, you must be some special DAD!!!

worrywort:
To[Private] SmallTownGirl08_Casey I will let you ask Dr. Cantrell that question when you feel the time is right.

IronMike:
I Hope So

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
To[Private] worrywort ok thanks!

IronMike:
but, it has been Very Difficult to wait all of this time to talk to my 'Buddy'

Dr. Cantrell:
You son trusting your relationship and the unconditional love you have for him no matter what he tells you says it all!

Dr. Cantrell:
Let me ask you Mike, was it worth the wait, and I wonder if you had pushed the issue if he would have not been so willing to share.

IronMike:
I have raised All 3 of them to know that they can tell Dad ANYTHING

worrywort:
To[Private] Il_Mom Hi Il mom...you are in Dr. Cantrells PTSD chat. Do you have questions for her?

IronMike:
I've Gently asked small things when the door was open just a small amount, Yes

Dr. Cantrell:
Wonderful. I hope all of you hear this testimony. It takes time, and it may even be someone else that meets their needs to hear their story, but it very important to be patient.

Il_Mom:
To[Private] worrywort Dr. Cantrell, As a mom who has good comm. with my son, what can I say to him to offer support when he calls from Iraq, and when he comes home?

IronMike:
It seemed slightly difficult for him because although he Knows that I enthusiatcally support him, I was never in a uniform such as himself

worrywort:
To[Private] Il_Mom Il Mom...you will need to type that question in the area below all the conversation that is going on. Im sorry!

Dr. Cantrell:
yes, this is very common for them to be restistant without that common experience, but he knew that this did not play into the quality of relationship you have. This is wonderful.

kristin:
it is harder for the guys who are no longer on active, with no buddies to talk to?

IronMike:
Yet, he chose the Marines because I had tried to join in Dec. of '69

worrywort:
To[Private] Il_Mom Then you hit send and it will appear to Dr. Cantrell

IronMike:
the Marines, I meant for myself as well

Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, it is more difficult in many ways, bcecause they don't have the connections and they feel so all alone and amongst a world of strangers.

Dr. Cantrell:
Mike you have served now as a conduit for your son to heal.

IronMike:
Thank You, & I shall ALWAYS be there for ALL 3 of our sons, & they KNOW it

Il_Mom:
Dr. Cantrell, As a mom who has a good relationship with her son, how can I be supportive of him when he calls from Iraq, and when he comes back home?

Dr. Cantrell:
You will also have many more sons Marines as you go along because they will feel you are awesome and get it

bammomx2:
hi all

worrywort:
To[Private] bammomx2 Hi Bammomx2, you are in Dr. Cantrells PTSD chat. Do you have a question for her?

IronMike:
?

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
My question seems rather simple, but still has me wondering. We are very close and he says that he is perfectly fine. Is that possiblr?

IronMike:
sons of Marines, or Marine sons who would trust me

bammomx2:
To[Private] worrywort I am not sure if they way my son is acting so disrespectful is PTSD

Dr. Cantrell:
As a mother, please let him know that you are doing good (even though you aren't at your optimal level) and this will free him from worry. Be upbeat and positive and love him without making him feel guilty for his servive

bammomx2:
To[Private] worrywort worry do you know who this is

bammomx2:
To[Private] worrywort its annie

Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, many other marines buddies of your son may come to you.

IronMike:
GREAT, for I would GLADLY HELP them if I can

Dr. Cantrell:
This is something that is often said, and it is his way of saying don't ask too many questions. He may be good, but it also may be that he is not ready to share

kristin:
Casey, my brother says the same thing, maybe they're in denial

worrywort:
To[Private] bammomx2 Oh my sorry for my late response....my little "dinger"thing has not been notifying me when someone responds to me. tonight.

IronMike:
& sometimes they are under orders for security reasons also, for this reason I never asked to much of our son Jesse

Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, but DENIAL has its place, don't rock the boat, just be observant in case there are some major issues, but don't push them into a corner

bammomx2:
Is being disrespectful a sign og PTSD

worrywort:
To[Private] bammomx2 You may ask Dr. cantrell a question when you feel the time is right.

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
He is still on his second tour right now. He has told me some tough things that no one else knows, but says he is perfectly fine.

Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, indeed, there are somethings they cannot share and you must respect that boundary.

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
of course

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
he gets out next spring and has plans to go to college and stuff. what are some difficult aspects of transfering back to the life of a civilian?

Dr. Cantrell:
Disrespectful is a form of anger and it pushes people away, and this may mean that he is dealing with irritability and just doesn't want to deal with all the feelings back home.

bammomx2:
To[Private] worrywort do you remember me

worrywort:
To[Private] bammomx2 I do!

Dr. Cantrell:
Good that your son is sharing, and this is very healing for them to do so. But we all know we all have different ways of dealing with emotions.

bammomx2:
he has always had a temper so to speak but since his last deployment it has gotten worse he had his sister in tears last night

Dr. Cantrell:
One of the difficulties of transferring to civilian life is that they do not see the world as they same place, they do not relate to people on the same level, and going back to school is difficult in that the political opinions of the students are certainly not congruent with that of the military, and he can't expect them to be, so tolerance and taking a step at a time is very important this is all very exciting to set goals.

bammomx2:
we got divorced while he was over there but did not want to tell him but his brother spilled the beans so now he completely avoids his sisters and me

Dr. Cantrell:
You need to set some boundaries with him, and it is NOT OK coming home and putting fear into everyones heart, this is not appropriate and maybe when he comes home he may need to stay on base

Dr. Cantrell:
His anger must be out of the roof for keeping this from him.

bammomx2:
I am not pushing though and he was fine when we were together at his brothers boot grad this april

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
he is my ex, although we remain very close. he tells me more than most. and he just makes it seem like "oh no worries. im going to come home and life will be great." but i worry becasue he has been living a completly different life than the rest of us for 4 years.

Dr. Cantrell:
I see why you did not tell him, but I can also see his viewpoint that he was shut out of a family issue that has a major impact on his life as well

Dr. Cantrell:
He had a certain expectation to act as a professional marine so he acted according to protocol.

bammomx2:
things were pretty bad before he deployed we were seperated and we thought it would be better for his safety to not tell him until he returned he redeploys in weeks

Dr. Cantrell:
He is the best judge of how well or not he will do. Do not build yourself up with anticipatory anxiety on his part, let him feel and experience his life as his own and he will come to you if he has some concerns about adjustment.

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
maybe i am just being a worrywort haha

IronMike:
I'm going to go to 'float' around to the other rooms for awhile, THX for your support Dr. Cantrell, & ~ Semper Fi ~ If someone needs, Just Call

Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, I can understand that you did not want to burden him and distract him from his duties, but the price is high but on the other hand it could have been higher if he had been hurt or worse because of the emtional impact. You did what a lot of parents would have done. Now he just needs to realize it is not because of him this marriage dissolved

bammomx2:
do they ever think about how hard this is on us not knowing he enlisted and received training we just got drafted

Dr. Cantrell:
Bye Iron Mike and thanks for being there for your son

worrywort:
To[Private] kim Hi Kim, you are in Dr. Cantrells PTSD chat. Do you have any questions.

kim:
To[Private] worrywort Nope, just thought I would drop in and see what is going on, is that ok?

IronMike:
Again, I say; Thank You & see ya next month maybe . . .

Dr. Cantrell:
Yes of course they probably give it some consideration, but you must ask yourself, did you stop your life or a goal because your family did not totally buy into it.

worrywort:
To[Private] kim Yes, that is fine to watch & learn.

Dr. Cantrell:
Hope so!!!

kim:
To[Private] worrywort thank you!

Dr. Cantrell:
Hope so to Mike.

kim:
I have a question . . are you chatting off line?

Dr. Cantrell:
We must understand that their job as young men and women is to find their own way, and for some it involves joining the military for a variety of reasons, Honor, Patriotism, Opportunity, Brotherhood, Sisterhood, Following in a beloved mentor, so it is our job to love them and respect their decisions.

worrywort:
To[Private] sheetmetaldad Hi sheetmetal dad. You are in Dr. Cantrell PTST chat. Do you have a question?

bammomx2:
I don't ever want him to stop being a marine he has wanted this since he was 13 I just wish he would think of our feelings also.. I don't know how to act around him and if I don't ask enough I don't want him to think I dont care but on the other hand I don't want to push with uneeded stress

sheetmetaldad:
To[Private] worrywort just looking thanks

worrywort:
To[Private] sheetmetaldad Perfect, feel free to watch & learn!

Dr. Cantrell:
No I am not chatting off line you mean at this time? no I am focused here with you.

kim:
Oh, no sorry, I wasn't seeing any conversation, but it was saying you were typing, now I see the words

Dr. Cantrell:
I know it is a dance in terms of finding the correct steps and timing in order optimize the results, but because we are also dealing with emotions and expectations it is not easy and it is so different depending on the dynamics.

sheetmetaldad:
To[Private] worrywort thank you my son is a recruit in 3077 at pi i was on last night with the sdi

bammomx2:
I completely respect his decisions and I brag about both my Marines all day long

worrywort:
To[Private] sheetmetaldad Wonderful!

bammomx2:
meaning??

worrywort:
To[Private] sheetmetaldad best of luck to your recruit!

kim:
I found the first deployment that he was excited to go. Now he is preparing for the second . . .what are the differences?

Dr. Cantrell:
So you just have to swollow that hurt and know that he is not intentionally wanting to hurt you, he just wants you to know that he is a Marine, A young man on a mission, and his primary focus is the corps.

sheetmetaldad:
To[Private] worrywort just trying to learn the lingo

bammomx2:
we are SO SO family oriented so I think now that his immediately family is broken he just wants to shut us out and pick up with only his marine family does this make sense

Dr. Cantrell:
They are sometimes more detached from those on the homefront because they know what to expect, although every deployment is different. They like the feeling of the adrenalin and being "on" on all levels, and it is intoxicating to them

kim:
Oh yes, he is an adrenaline junkie, this I know

bammomx2:
that is DEFINATELY him he has always been that way it is very inspirational

Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, of course I see where he is putting his energy. He feels his Marine family is going to stay intact, and this is a healing grace, let this be and over time he will deal with his sadness and disapointment.

bammomx2:
Divorce is hard that is why I put off for 10 years for these reasons

Arshak:
I have no hope of the marine corp doing the right thing, Before this deployment my son was dignosed with ptsd and offered drugs. We talked and decided it would be worest to take drugs and then have your supply dry up in wartime ie supply lines cut ect. He decided to depend on God's strength and just doing the right thing. And now I am concerned he can keep it together to get home, and I tried to explain to him you can't do drugs and alchole

bammomx2:
god bless Arshak

bammomx2:
he seemed somewhat nervous about this upcoming deployment while talking about it t his brothers boot grad

Dr. Cantrell:
Sometimes we must step back and not interfere with the professionals who had a plan, they may have thought that the meds would have just helped him get through to get some rest and deal with his immediate symptoms before going back down range. God gives us the ability to offer healing, and this is in many forms. It sounds like he is resorting to what we call "self-medication" to deal with his PTSD.

bammomx2:
his father even noticed it

bammomx2:
So Dr you do suggest not asking him to talk it out before he leaves or do you think it would be best to have us vent things out before he leave

Dr. Cantrell:
Is this his first deployment?

Dr. Cantrell:
So did he have PTSD before he was deployed?

Dr. Cantrell:
Where is everyone

worrywort:
Dr. cantrell are you there?

Dr. Cantrell:
IS anyone there or am I off line?

gutsma:
I can see you now.

worrywort:
Oh there you are....sorry

bammomx2:
this will be his second deployment he was SO SO pumped for the first but NOT this one

worrywort:
oopsie

bammomx2:
He just has a short temper

Dr. Cantrell:
I am back, sorry I am in a hotel in DC and I was kicked off Can you read me

bammomx2:
yes

worrywort:
We can see you!

gutsma:
yes

Dr. Cantrell:
perfect

bammomx2:
dr did you see my last questions

Dr. Cantrell:
what was my last posting

gutsma:
Sometimes we must step back...let professionals do their job...

gutsma:
dr._cantrell: Sometimes we must step back and not interfere with the professionals who had a plan, they may have thought that the meds would have just helped him get through to get some rest and deal with his immediate symptoms before going back down range. God gives us the ability to offer healing, and this is in many forms. It sounds like he is resorting to what we call "self-medication" to deal with his PTSD.

Dr. Cantrell:
I think that talking about things before he goes may be the best, he needs to process and express his anger to you

worrywort:
To[Private] nabsmom Hi Nabsmom...you are in Dr. Cantrells PTSD chat room

bammomx2:
i do too and just let him loose so to speak I will try to get it out of him because I truly feel it will help both of us

Dr. Cantrell:
I think that you setting up a therapy session would be the best, with a family therapist and his father should get on the same page too, because you want your son to be emotionally focused on his job, and he needs to know that he is not to blame

bammomx2:
Now that I know that he does NOT feel he is to blame I think he is upset that his dad did not get the help he needed and I gave up His father is an abusive alcoholic

bammomx2:
What is odd is that he stays with him, well he sleeps there

Dr. Cantrell:
Well he has reason to be angry and by all means you must do this in an environment where it is contained and he feels safe. If he is that angry he could come unglued on his father and hurt him and then feel worse than he already does

bammomx2:
he and his brother had to pull his father off me

Dr. Cantrell:
He has a relationship or he would not be there, he dad has issues as well, and probably feels like he doesn't fit into main stream society and your son may relate on some of these levels. Its ok let him be a man, he is not a little boy

bammomx2:
Oh yes I know that but he should not be disrespectful to his sisters and me If he still stands by his fvorite saying " I live and die for freinds and family"

Dr. Cantrell:
No this is very true, and you might want to talk to his father about supporting this because this is how family members also get PTSD from the fear of not knowing what to expect with someone who is a ticking time bomb.

worrywort:
To[Private] mominprogress Oh yes, by all means please stay & learn!

worrywort:
If anyone else has questions please feel free to ask.

cjv:
I have one

cjv:
does it help them readjust the more contact they have from home?

bammomx2:
thank you so much Dr Cantrell

Dr. Cantrell:
Are you asking if contact from home is helpful for them to readjust

Dr. Cantrell:
You are so welcome, wish you son my best

cjv:
yes, my son didnt have internet last time and he does this time and Iwas wondering if you see those who have that do better readjusting

Dr. Cantrell:
It depends, some like to stay connected, and some feel it is more of an expectation that they would rather not do because it takes them away from their job.

bammomx2:
good night all and thanks again

Dr. Cantrell:
Good night

cjv:
makes sense. thanks

Dr. Cantrell:
They love getting packages, and for those with children many are very connected in terms of how they stay connected, so it just depends on your son

Dr. Cantrell:
oops I mean they are very creative in terms of how they stay connected to their children.

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
ok, question

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
i follow the 'he will talk when he is ready' philosophy.

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
do you think its ok to ask questions and then if i see he is uncomfortable, back off?

Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, this is best, but you also need to be aware if there are real issues

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
he is a man of few words to begin with lol

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
so, i just want to be sure he is doing ok with everything

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
but not seem puchy

worrywort:
To[Private] dgail Hi Dgail, you are in Dr. Cantrells PTSD Chat.

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
pushy**

Dr. Cantrell:
Just be normal and find out what his comfort level is, but do not hit him with a ton of questions, let him come to you

Dr. Cantrell:
If he is a man of few words he may have less to say when he comes home.

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
is it normal that he never cries anymore?

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
he used to have so much emotion but it is gone now

worrywort:
To[Private] KyLeSgiRL09 Hi Kylesgirl...you are in Dr. Cantrells PTSD Chat

cjv:
good night and thank you Dr. Cantraell

cjv:
oops Cantrell

Dr. Cantrell:
Yes, this is part of his deal with closing down his emotions, when they are in combat they must close down their emotions in order to make it through the process of their duties, so this is a coping mechanism

Dr. Cantrell:
Good night and thank you

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
makes sense...

Dr. Cantrell:
If he was emotional before chances are he felt a lot and had to quickly close down so he could cope

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
do they typically carry that trait with them forever?

Arshak:
I have sent many packages for him and for his buddiesn who don't get mail. I am just anxiety plus in reguards to his arriving home. The other thing that happened this deployment is his dog the focus of his life had to be put down because og bone cancer. we were able to communicate with hm as it was his call. He has said he didn;'t think he could come home without his dog there and now he also has to come home without his Capt. His suriverors guilt I can't deal with.

Dr. Cantrell:
This is something they have learned as coping, but over time hopefully they will learn to thaw out their hearts a bit but it takes time.

Dr. Cantrell:
WOW, when is he coming home????

Dr. Cantrell:
Arshak when is your son returning home?

Dr. Cantrell:
Are there any more questions

Arshak:
THe end of Aug he returns to base and mid Sept he hits home.

Dr. Cantrell:
Do you have any other animals in the house

Arshak:
No

Arshak:
The dog was his therapy his hunting Buddy

Dr. Cantrell:
Maybe you want to ask him what he feels about getting another dog, and tell him that you really miss the company as well, find out what he would like

Dr. Cantrell:
So he will have to train this dog. You might even put out the word and there may be another vet who would go hunting with him and bring dogs with them

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
my marine asks to know all details no matter what. should that wish be respected even if he will be upset or worried about something happing in our hometown

Arshak:
He has another year in the corp. So he can't train another dog like he did this one for a whle. But the surivors guilt is so hard to cope with I read a daughter/wife marine post that we can carry on and will because we have been given the opportunity. I am trying to embrace this, but my son is so focused on the losses.

Dr. Cantrell:
are they any other questions, I am not getting anything and we have about 8 minutes left for this session

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
(please continue with arshak)

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
their situation is much more importat.

Dr. Cantrell:
Small Town Absolutely, you tell him what he wants to know

Dr. Cantrell:
He wants to feel connected and this is his wish.

Dr. Cantrell:
Your son will have to work out his own issues, you cannot do this for him, and you cannot stop your life or take away frm your daughter's life. She deserves to have her momma 100% present as she is the chlld at home. You will have to find a balance, but remember we can lead a horse to water but we cannot make them drink. Survivor guilt is something that lingers and stays around and they will have to work through this from many angles, and this takes professional help. [98.26.237.59] the_traveler Thank you Dr. Cantrell for being here tonight. Hopefully your next session I can come on I do have some questions but will try for the next session

SmallTownGirl08_Casey:
thank you for all of your help dr. cantrell. it has been great speaking with you!

Arshak:
THank you

Dr. Cantrell:
Wonderful. I will be back next month, and if you have a question for the Newletter, let me know and I will write about it for next month or so.

worrywort:
Thank you Dr. Cantrell!

Mom_Soz:
Thank you for being with us tonight Dr. Cantrell

Dr. Cantrell:
You are most welcome. Thank you for all you do to support your Marine, and my prayers are with all of you and your Marines

gutsma:
Thank you, Dr. Cantrell.

worrywort:
To[Private] gutsma You closing this room Mrs. Coffee?

gutsma:
To[Private] worrywort yes

worrywort:
To[Private] gutsma Im ready for bed....I had no coffee. lol

gutsma:
To[Private] worrywort lol

gutsma:
I hope tonight was helpful to each of you.

worrywort:
Sweet dreams everyone

gutsma:
Blessings to you and your precious Marines.

Mom_Soz:
Good night, take care and God Bless you and your Marines

gutsma:
Good night, Arshak, Jimmyc, and Margaretm

   
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